Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize