just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
