i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
