Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
