remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
