bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
