i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
