I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
