Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
