No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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