Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
