Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
