and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize