I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize