So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
