This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
