I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
