We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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