Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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