quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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