she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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