We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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