You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
