how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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