I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
