look no pants
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
