Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
