Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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