So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Four minutes until I can fart!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
