...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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