I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
