there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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