Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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