i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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