I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
