woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
tell me about the eggs
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