Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
