why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
