We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
