i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
