A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
