The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize