they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
