i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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