too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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