I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
