Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I deserve this hangover.
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