So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
