ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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