Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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