Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
