Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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