Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
