Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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