I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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