She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize