Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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