So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
