I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
