That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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