I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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