i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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