guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
