ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
