and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
