never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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