Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize