Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
