My cat gives me a boner
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
