I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize