Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
