it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
