remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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