mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
