the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
