Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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