Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
