I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
