He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
