dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
