i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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