This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize