whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
