On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
