he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
There's always time for handjobs
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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