That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you win again, gameday.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
