I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
