my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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