The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
