Jerry, you need to find god
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The power of my boobs compel you
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
