Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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