everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
