I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
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Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There's always time for handjobs
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
