I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
