First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
