you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
