Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
