you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
