Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
