Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
