I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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