I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
