watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
