Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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