soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
