im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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