Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
