Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
