I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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