im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
