there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
