Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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