I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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