You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
