my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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