To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
