I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
