you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
