just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
