you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
