i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
