I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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