Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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