Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
