I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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