ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Randomize
