I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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